On being real

body and swole, choices, fitness, florida, gay, healing, health, healthy lifestyle, inspiration, inspire, lesbian, LGBT, life, mindfulness, motivation, peace, recovery, reflection, roller skating, rollerskating, skating, strength, therapy, weight loss, wellness, women, yoga

(Cross-posted from MindHeartSwole.com blog)

I think we can all save ourselves a little bit of time, frustration, and future regrets by first admitting that we all are, at least a little bit, full of shit sometimes.

It isn’t until we’ve transformed into something truly beautiful that we really can appreciate how things are, instead of how they should be.

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This quote was gifted to me by a friend who is an astounding woman, truly beautiful in every sense from the inside out. She’s a warrior, a survivor, a kind-hearted soul who heals people’s bodies and she’s an amazing listener. I personally had never read this quote before and when I did, it brought me to tears. It’s now something that I read daily and take it to heart.

There’s another amazing soul that I know who has this incredibly beautiful scar on her arm, and though I’ve never asked what exactly it is, I’m thinking it’s a skin graft. I know bits and pieces of her story, and admire her beautiful stories every time she speaks. Sometimes I feel like she’s speaking to call me out on my shit, and that’s very likely just me projecting my insecurities, catching myself when I need to check up.

Today is day 65 in my sobriety; technically day 66 now that it’s past 9:00PM EST.

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Many times I feel like rock star sober girl, like I’ve got this shit down pat and there ain’t ever turning back. There is zero desire in my waking life to use, despite what’s happening in my dreams. The thought of drinking again makes my stomach turn, and I can’t even imagine using drugs again. The very thought makes me want to jump out of my skin and run like hell. I want to keep living clean and sober, I want this to be a lifelong commitment, and just for today, I’m taking it one day at a time, as it should be.

However…there are challenges every moment. Every fucking moment. I don’t drink, I don’t use drugs, I’m practicing abstinence, I work out every day and do restorative yoga on my rest days…and yet I still have my vices. I still obsess.

I still eat crap food sometimes. I still eat too much sometimes. I still take things personally. I still struggle with self-acceptance.

After I finished writing 100 Reasons To Lose 100 Pounds, I expected this big cloud to move over and then ta-da! Back to where I was…and that’s just not the case.

When I hit my goal, I let go for a while and then grew, and when I was at my goal, I felt maybe a bit too thin for my shape and for my personal liking. I then got to a place that I felt more comfortable, and then when I saw the videos from my goal size, I went back to wishing I was that small again.

Today I was feeling lonely. I had made plans with a friend to hang out yesterday and we never connected. I texted my sponsor and didn’t hear back. I went to a meeting at 10AM and didn’t get to share, and when I went to a noon meeting, I cried my eyes out and felt terrible. When I came home, I didn’t want to do shit but sulk and eat, but instead I geared up and got 6 miles in on my skates. The whole time I was obsessing about Doritos. I finally got the damn Doritos, ate half the bag (it was a serving size of 3 and I threw the second half away), and then went into the backyard to cut the rest of the firewood and get the log pile cleaned up.

Today was a hard day to trust and surrender, and I know I *should* do it, but the punk bitch-ass fucker wanted to be a goddamn punk. There were many moments that I stayed on the right track, but my mind just wasn’t in a good place. I didn’t want to talk to my sponsor (we texted each other a few times, it was good hearing back from her but like my prayers and conversations with God, I was withdrawn). I went to another meeting at 5 and shared again, and afterward I was given this advice:

“If you want to know who your true friends are, see who sticks around after you’ve 1) Declared bankruptcy, 2) Come out and 3) Come out about being HIV positive.”

Miracles happen, and just as this man waited for me to come out of the clubhouse to give me this advice, I think God’s waiting on me to just shut my mind off of what I think should happen and how He’s planning it to happen. He’s saved me WAY too many times to give up on me now. It’s up to me to believe in myself. As the saying goes, when the student is ready, the Master will appear. My Master is always ready;  I have to do the listening.

I’m impatient. I’m afraid. I’m dealing with ignorance.

Being real means allowing all of these things, to be perfectly imperfect, with no comparison or judgment, and just be completely authentically me.

A friend of mine keeps recommending that I listen to Grant Cardone‘s podcasts, and while I like his ethic and how hard he works, he’s aggressively arrogant. Like so many “rich” white guys who are VERY well off, he puts others down, calls people “pussies” and claims how he wants to punch certain politicians in the face.

I want to do better than that.

YES, there IS a way to be a bad ass success story without being a thundercock.

And dammit, I’m going to show people how it’s done.

As I said in the meeting, I think God’s preparing me now, in this time of uncertainty, to keep my shit together so when I get everything that I want – a clean slate, a fresh start, the car I want, property, a farm, fospice care and an animal sanctuary, facilities where I can host retreats for special-abled people, trauma victims, re-entering citizens post-incarceration, recovering addicts, burn victors, abuse victors, yogis and high-risk youth and the means to run these programs successfully – I can find peace when things are going extraordinarily well.

For those of us who have never been wealthy, the idea seems appealing, and for a while, it surely is a dream come true. However, there’s a reason why most lottery winners end up as broke as they were before they won the jackpot – piss-poor habits. A bank account says nothing about a person’s habits; our actions, our lifestyles reveal everything.

When I was making a great living as a 20-something year old airline manager, I pissed it away. Well, drank and ate a lot of it, so pissed and shat it away. I was working 100+ hour weeks and didn’t have the appreciation for my salary. Then, I moved back to Florida and got a great job that paid much less, and still it covered my expenses. It was a good career and it ran its course, and now I’m ready for work that is my purpose, to make what I’m really worth, and on my own terms.

My dream is to have trustworthy, dependable, reliable staff, to treat them well and pay them fairly, and to do something great and fill a MUCH-needed void in the community.

I thought health management, weight loss, and nutritional education was the ticket, and that’s still a pressing need.

The bigger picture is addiction.

I’m still rather new at this, and I have every intention and the burning desire to stay clean and sober, no matter what. When I set my mind to do something, I do it. Especially if the odds are looking unfavorably.

Those are MY kinds of odds.

I am an outlier.

I am an unlikely success story.

I am Smash, and it is my purpose to rise, to stand tall, to encourage, inspire, and to move people to right action. It is my job to blow sunshine up people’s asses, to wake people up, to shake them out of destructive thinking, to get them to reach their highest potentials.

It’s what I do; it’s my story. I’ve had a lot of help along the way, but ultimately, I’ve always been on my own. This is how it is for now.

I do want to share my love and my life with a special woman and make her my wife, and though that is part of my future, right now I’ve got to become the woman that *I* want to spend the rest of my life with. She’ll find me. The best things always do.

Right now, I’ve got work to do.

Making a deposit in the bank where I store great stuff

fitness, healing, health, healthy lifestyle, inspiration, inspire, life, life coaching, motivation, reflection, strength, wellness

I said this to a friend when I saw her a couple weeks ago, right after I jumped out of a plane and REALLY understood some pretty huge concepts on the ride back to the ground.

“You’re not only capable of doing this. You deserve it. You know that, yeah? Cuz you do.”

So guys, please do yourselves a favor and quit the shit with what you did wrong, why you shouldn’t have great things, and fucking cockblocking the best things that are falling RIGHT into your lives and presenting themselves as opportunities.

If the thought, motivation, and DESIRE to do or have something is persistently on your mind, then you need to just fucking do it.

There is no “right time.” There are only so many goddamn Mondays that you can start over.

If you are tired of staring over, then STOP GIVING UP.

This is your wake -up call from your no-frills, bullshit-free, in-your-face leader.

This is a volunteer army, and led by an iron – willed, dogmatic, never-going-back witness to what PERSONAL POWER can bring when we ALLOW it.

Stop getting fucked, and let life make love to you.

The very best to you all, now and always,

– SMASH

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Dark horse with a bright light

healing, life, life coaching, mindfulness, peace

“I don’t know what you’ve been thinking, but you can’t keep thinking with that stinking thinking. If you keep on thinking what you’ve always thought, then you’ll keep on getting what you’ve always got.”

That quote is from Dawn, a woman I met when speaking at the local prison.  She and I are part of a group of community members that speak to men who are going to be re-entering citizens within a few months, and every time she speaks, she says that quote and makes them all say it with her.

I particularly enjoy speaking to the inmates because I can be real with them. Whenever I start any presentation, I gauge my audience to determine how best to speak to them. With folks who have had it rough, it’s easy to be direct.

I’m still learning to be authentic, yet more refined. As I work on stepping up, becoming more polished is a part of that. Time, learning from experience,  and patience will help, but I am also enlisting the help of people who are experts in what I need assistance with.

I’ve been given a lot of perspective,  and decided to do things I’ve needed and wanted to do.  So, I finally made the call and had a consultation with a life coach!

Also, talk about manifesting.  I gave myself a monthly budget for my business (setting money aside to invest in the business), and my coaching is the EXACT AMOUT I planned for!

I had avoided speaking with her for MONTHS. I had her business card and threw it away! DERP!

Glad I finally reached out to her,  I feel much better and like I can actually execute my plans! I need to focus and stay on track, and this is exactly what I was looking for.

We all have reasons for our life’s loves, our passions, and our work. I want to help people who share my struggles. Insight comes from experience,  and damn I have plenty of experience,  particularly from exceptionally bad decisions! As I have learned from many mistakes of my own and the mistakes of others, errors and experience are the best teachers.

I want to work with people in many walks of life, and I feel drawn to battle-worn people; people who have bern hurt by others, by themselves, by life’s traumas.

When talking to people in the wellness business,  I describe myself as the dark horse of the industry.  My coach said, “dark horse with a bright light.”

Sounds spot-on to me 🙂

Herd is the Word

healing, health, meditation, mindfulness, roller derby, sports, therapy, yoga

New skills! Achievement unlocked!

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Today was the 3rd Annual Mash-Up, and instead of playing, I became part of the herd! Team Zebra, buddy!!!

When I put my skates on (which was the first time in four weeks, the night before the accident), it felt like coming back home. I felt like I picked up right where I left off. The fear was gone.

Yet again, another case of mindfuck!

I also realized something.

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Photo credit David Ortiz of Phantom Photographics.

I’m as capable now as I’ve ever been. I’ll get through this. Everything is a blessing and a lesson. I’m learning a LOT from a strategic standpoint. This is yet another way to grow.

When I changed my perspective, I learned a lot more. I felt happy all day, not one single regret.

This community is filled with amazing people, and I’m so grateful and feel so loved! Wrath got me a whistle I wanted SO badly (the adjustable ring-type one), Bass Invader got me super sweet Captain America cuffs, and I was gifted more derby stickers ❤ Plus I got my logo for my zeeb top, and I got another set of wheels!

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It was hard at first to see the game from a different angle, but I caught on quick and it was incredibly advantageous. I look forward to learning more and more 🙂

So, I had to leave half way through the Mash-Up and get to Blue Moon to meet with Kim and work on some ideas I have. I’m working on a targeted yoga program, and Kim gave me guidance and great input. We also talked about a Yin class I expressed interest in teaching…

…and then the owner of the studio called and offered me a class.

I’m teaching Yin on Thursday nights 🙂 I told Kim my intentions with the class and she was stoked! She said I’m making it all happen.

Today, I decided to just claim it. I didn’t just show up to shadow ref. I came in stripes, bearing my name on the back. Then, I said exactly what I’m going to teach and how I’m going to do it, and then I get that class.

I am learning to show up and expect things, but not expect it immediately. Just roll with it. It’ll happen. Just let it. The less I resist, the easier and more naturally it comes to me.

Whenever I try to control things too much, take things too seriously, or look at things with a very a limited view, I am missing  the whole point of the very experience I am going through in that moment.

Today was a great experience in setting an intention, and witnessing it play out however it needs to. Today I kept saying be careful what you wish for, and I never imagined my officiating experience to start this way. I’m glad I didn’t. If I would have seen this happening, I would have turned around and ran the other way. It’s scary!  However, it happened; it’s over and done with, and I continue to thrive. There is no regretting that.

I’ve always believed that we’ve got to go where we can grow, and this is yet another growing experience for me. When I release my blinders and open my mind and stop relying on previous experience and expect things to play out a certain way, pretty amazing and miraculous things happen.

I know where I am heading. I don’t need to know how it’s going to happen. I just know that I’m ready for it. That’s what I’ve been conditioned for, and what I’ve been preparing for.

I am ready to claim it.

Excessively wheysted

accident, fat loss, healing, health, nutrition, sports, weight loss

It took me over two years to lose one hundred pounds of excess fat and to really let healthy habits stick. From the time I started – and I actually even mention it in the second video in my YouTube video series 100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds – I knew I wanted to focus on whole foods and lose the weight by eating right and working out.

In that time, I tried a lot of things. A LOT. Like so many people working on a healthy lifestyle transition, I dabbled in various diets, fasts, detoxes and such. For a while I was also supplementing, and some things stuck around, and others would come and go.

I wanted to have a good deal of experience before even touching on the subject of supplementation, and I want to be wholly forthright that as of this posting, I am speaking from personal insight only. I am working on obtaining more education and earning credentials to speak with knowledge as well as insight, but again for now, this is strictly from personal experience.

Quite often when strength training, many of us supplement our protein with a protein powder, and after trying several products and types of powders, I fell into a rhythm of regularly using whey protein. I missed using it whenever I’d do the Whole 30 challenges, but of the various “diets” I tried, I liked the Whole 30 the most. I still utilize some great practices from that nutrition plan, and mix in other healthy things that I enjoy.

Wow I’m doing a pretty good job continually focusing on positive and not going on a rant about diets!

WHEW!

Okay back on point…

In my experience as a woman who has lost one hundred pounds twice now, and has struggled with healthy habits for my entire life, when someone comes along with help and solutions, it’s very, very seductive. When the goal is met…y’all the seduction continues. As I progressed in my fitness journey, I was approached by FIVE supplement companies. FIVE. It got to the point where with an initial message or text, I KNEW what was about to go down.

I would hear how inspiring I was and how I would be GREAT leading a team, and to support and encourage them to reach their goals! YES! That’s what I wanted!

BUT!

Products.

I resisted for a bit, though admittedly, I was still using my own combination of products (whey protein and creatine pretty much daily, and I started trying out branched chain amino acids (BCAA) pre-workout and often before bedtime). Finally, I was a bit more open-minded to products distributed through independent distributors (knowing that it was very likely a multi-level marketing approach). Still, I wanted to remain receptive, especially if it meant trying products I was familiar with and could possibly lead toward me helping people by my experiences.

What I’m coming to realize is, like caffeine and more indulgent snacks, perhaps I can incorporate these things into my life every now and then, but currently I want to take a month-long holiday from product usage and let my body reset. I mean, from the very start, I didn’t need anything but food and water (well, and a whole lotta motivation), and until I started using products, I didn’t miss them. We can’t miss what we never had, so I’ll work on weening myself off and then start my cleanse.

I participated in a nation-wide 24 day challenge, and half way through, the accident happened. I was at my athletic pinnacle; I worked out for 5 hours two days prior, did my hardest yoga class before playing my ass off and earning MVP jammer the night before, and then that Monday morning things changed BIG time for me.

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Strong Saturday! Super Sunday! MOPEY MONDAY.

Well, after the wreck, I wanted to let my body recover and though I ate healthy, I ate bunches. Whenever I get hurt, I need a few days to mope and eat too many carrots and natural peanut butter. I’ll nosh on like 6 bananas a day. They help, but dude 6 bananas is an excess 500-600 calories, yo.

I got a bit “fluffy” on the challenge. My two-a-day workouts got diminished to stretching, meditation, prayer, yoga, Epsom salt baths, physical therapy, doctor visits and a lot of calming the demon. I was also drinking 2-4 post workout recovery shakes (110-220 calories a pop) a day after the accident.

Needless to say, the challenge didn’t yield the results that I had planned, and surely not what the challenge hosts had planned. It kinda pretty much backfired.

But maybe it needed to.

I can gladly talk to people about health, food, my personal journey, happiness, finding the Light in the darkness, encouraging stuff, things that I have credible life experience and insight on. Shit, I’m no expert. But I’m well educated from the school of hard knocks!

When I went on the challenge, people asked me about it and I said wait until I’m through before I give my insight. Well, I’m through it, and through I don’t regret the experience, it doesn’t trump my experience with whole, clean nutrition.

Supplements to me are yet another thing that I’ve tried out, and I could go either way on them personally. I really prefer to stick to what’s natural. If it’s not readily accessible to me through nature or a grocery store, then maybe it’s not what my body naturally needs. However, I won’t judge people for using safe products. I can speak about my experiences and share what I learned.

However, it’s odd to me that so much stuff is added to supplement nutrients. What else are we putting into our bodies in order to get this nourishment?

I realized yesterday that an energy supplement I was taking is catabolic. CATABOLIC! I had no idea that I reduced my tea intake to put THREE TIMES as much caffeine in my body with the supplement! So now I have to ween myself down off the supplement to become less caffeine dependent, and I want to do it soon because if I can’t lift right now (not for a few weeks), then HELL NO to putting something catabolic in my body!

So, I’m breaking down what I supplement, and why I do it. Then, I’m coming up with a list of things I will use in place of the supplements. Also, I’ll create a plan to ensure that I’m well-prepared!

Taking: Energy drink supplement

Holiday: Black tea, green tea, B-vitamins, almonds, fruits

Taking: Electrolyte replacement drink
Holiday: cucumber-infused water/cucumber and coconut water, my cocktail of coconut water/diluted coconut milk with salt and agave, cocktail #2 of water, salt, lemon and agave, more electrolyte-rich foods post-workout (celery, strawberries, cantaloupe)

Taking: post-workout recovery

Holiday: post-workout snacks with 3:1 carb:protein. Examples:yogurt with fruit/granola, bananas and nuts/peanut butter, turkey and apples, soy nuts and fruit…so many options.

Taking: whey protein powder

Holiday: Preparing in advance, more egg whites, lean proteins, tofu/soy. I use the whey mainly in my morning oats or in a protein shake, so I’ll get more creative with breakfast!

Taking: Amino Acids (BCAA, Argenine)
Holday: This is a big one. I may be getting in TOO much protein, so who knows if I even need aminos? I didn’t need them before I started taking them, and straight up, I was more ripped before!

I gave up creatine when I started the challenge and especially when I started supplementing aminos. Thought I liked it and did experience benefits in strength, muscle mass and recovery, I also know damn well over time that’s not the best product for my kidneys.

So, while I remain non-judgmental on safe and reliable product consumption, it’s something that I’m going to take a break from. When I did the 24-day challenge, I knew I wanted to do a 24-day challenge without product usage. The timing just fell into place and I’m excited to get back to basics.

Things are falling into place marvelously. I finally found the balls to reach out to a life coach and get in on an advising session with her. FINALLY. I had a great consultation with another friend and mentor and discussed my eating habits, and got great insight from her, as well as updated body measurements including BMI. I needed that. I was relying on weight for too long, this will help me with my next goals. She also gave me great direction in prioritizing, and how to further the credentials I’m looking for as a part of this health and fitness community.

Kimbo saw me for her yoga class that night and mentioned how much better I looked. I felt so relieved, like I was finally going in the direction I intended to, felt more focused, and felt closer to myself again. I had a wonderful yoga practice. My balances were so strong, strongest they’ve been in a good while, and my Crow was on point!

You know, I said my life was about to change drastically. I had no idea it would happen this way; shit the major life stuff never happens like we planned it to. However, this is yet another example of what happens when we put an intention out there. It just manifests.

Every step I feel closer to my goals. I have a list of three major ones, and they’re coming together. The last is the cherry on top…we won’t go there just yet.

…but when we do, it’s going to be magical. Like, fairy tale shit.

Oi life, you hit like a bitch

accident, healing, health, meditation, mindfulness, peace, therapy, yoga

This week had its share of highs and lows, and it’s really a matter of choosing the right mindset and perspective to figure out how to move forward.

Once again, I’m reminded that it’s good and well to envision a particular outcome, but the best results come from being open and receptive to what comes my way.

“I don’t mind what happens.” – Krishnamurti

My homegirl Buxom Basher treated me to lunch, and to be forthright, I was anticipating bad news (it’s just the mindset I was in). I saw her a few days after I got my MRI results from my doctor, and though I am staying positive and focusing on good things, every now and then I am reminded of attachments I still have. For instance, Bux is a friend from roller derby, and as I go through the motions of living with this injury, I face some hard decisions ahead. Do I want to risk my body playing a sport I love? Will I overcome yet another injury and play again?

Bux reminded me that she’s been playing a hell of a lot longer than I have, and I was given perspective, a whole lotta derby stickers to make up for the ones I lost in the accident, and hope. Later, I saw Kim again, and she reminded me that miracles happen ALL the time. We can heal ourselves.

I’ve done it before and I know I can do it again.

PLUS my new physical therapist is a redhead, and damn I started feeling better already 🙂

Wednesday was a fucking nightmare. Like…a veritable roller coaster of emotions that just went from one extreme to the next. I went from high stress, to having a car (FINALLY), to getting my MRI results. Right after I left the doctor’s, I ugly girl-cried my way out the door, into the car, home, from the house to a yoga class, and fell apart when I got there. My friend was teaching the class and it was just her and I, and for two hours we meditated.

Everything happened.

I felt everything, saw everything, was part of everything, and faded away into being and existing without the aid of anything but mental and spiritual exhaustion. I let it all go. Roles, ego, the need to be whatever I told myself I’d needed to be, and just faded away and accepted that I can be “normal.” I don’t have to power lift, I don’t have to be Smash, I don’t have to BE ANYTHING aside from me.

I needed that experience, and to find that peace. It comes and goes, and the bad feelings find their way to me again, but I do yoga, listen to music, talk to someone, or just cry it out if needed. Just keep getting up.

Accepting that it is what it is. “Being weakened doesn’t make you weak.” – Bux. She knows her shit! Nine seasons of derby, she’s got insight!

For the first time, I actually let the Publix folks help me to my car after I got groceries. Fuck it, ya know? TRY new things.

I’ve also been taking classes with as many different instructors that I can, and trying new classes. Life keeps showing me to release attachment, to drop my walls, and to stop telling myself the stories that hold me back. Just let go. Just be. Flow.

If I said it was easy, straight up I’d be full of shit. It’s a struggle. The struggle is what strengthens us, and now is the time for me to step up big time. Time to wear the big girl shoes. I already am all that I want to be, and I’m allowed to have all that I want.

I deserve it.

So, whatever may come, comes. What’s next in my journey? I don’t know, I’m thinking maybe dancing? I’ve taken a BUTI Yoga class and I’m hooked, and Zumba has helped, so maybe I need to keep working on relinquishing any thoughts of caring and just do stuff that helps free my soul.

Taking a class like that and just not caring at all helps shed the dark stuff.

So, who knows. Who knows what will happen. Certainly not I. I’ve got intentions, goals, and a knowledge that it WILL happen, it’s just a matter of WHEN. The how doesn’t even matter. It’ll all come together.

I get everything I want. I work my ass off for it.

So, on mindset, there’s also this video I did recently:

A friend said when life knocks us down, we tell life that it hits like a bitch and we get right back up.

Damn right.

This is just the beginning.

To Hurt Is As Human As To Breathe

fat loss, healing, mindfulness, peace, therapy, weight loss, yoga

I’ve been an isolated grumpy bear lately while going through the motions of getting back to some kind of normalcy. There’s still a lot I have to do, but a good friend reminded me yesterday to write down what I need to do, and then start prioritizing and breaking it down.

This morning was a great come-to-Jesus session (that’s a pretty prolific term, yeah?) with my coach, and I she told me some truths that I needed to hear. She’s so smart and insightful and saw the tears threatening, and we just kept moving forward. I held it together really well, I mean I’ve felt so much shit and a range of emotions, and there’s barely anything left, which is why I’ve really just had no fucks to give.

There’s still anger, and it had been there for a while and lately it’s been like a dull pain; slow, steady, and burning. It’s not all rage and smash shit, but it’s a constant.

However, there is a huge flip side going on, and just as I am weathering the storm of crap, I am also adjusting to the immense good that is going on.

The very day after I start seeing some progress physically and with the insurance and car stuff, I run into a yoga mentor and friend and was invited to apply for a local training hosted by Baron Baptiste-trained instructors, including her.

“Coincidence is the name God uses when He wants to remain anonymous.”

The day after for fuck’s sake. How could I ignore that?

Though admittedly I am having yet ANOTHER conundrum, I realize that this is much like a realization I had yesterday – we follow our heart, and fly where our wings take us. We find different platforms that take us to new places, and something new doesn’t mean forsaking everything and everyone that go us there. So, though I had to think about it a good deal, the choice was clear – I’m doing the program through Kim and starting my teacher training not this summer, but THIS FRIDAY.

Well, that escalated quickly!

So, when the circumstances, timing, and opportunities present themselves, just do it. Empty the mind of limits and what “could happen” and just go with the flow. Appropriate phrasing for yoga 🙂

I’ll be away from my first yoga studio love for a while, but six months flies by. Plus, the training doesn’t conflict with my bout schedule with Sintral (https://www.facebook.com/welovesfdd), nor my current work obligations. When the stars align, I don’t question it, I just admire the miracle of it all and bask in life’s remarkable way of restoring everything to balance.

It’s overwhelming to experience all of this at once, but I’m resilient, strong, persistent and pretty smart, so just taking things one at a time.

There’s this quote from Albus Dumbledore: “No man or woman alive, magical or not, has ever escaped some form of injury, whether physical, mental or emotional. To hurt is as human as to breathe.”

I shared with my group #Armyof100 a little bit of what was going on, and I especially reached out to trusted friends to let them know I slipped on nutritional habits for a few days, and was reminded that we are ALL human and that it was a relief for them that I’m not a robot. I keep saying how I gotta lead by example, and part of that is falling and making my own mistakes. After all, my story is always about rising above, rising up, overcoming challenge and getting to the other side.

A huge lesson I’m getting from this experience is to let go of specific attachments. I was again reminded to focus on the what, and let the how happen. Again, the timing is impeccable, I had spoken with my friend and derby mentor Steph, who practices at the yoga studio I will be taking the instructor training with, and we’ll do some practices together 🙂 I’ve wanted to do yoga with Steph for a long time, and she’s not only a great friend, but someone I like to keep close because if we want something in our lives, the best thing to do is be around people that have what we want, and have the skills we’re looking for. Steph is great at dealing with all kinds of personalities, not only in her professional capacity as a doctor of physical therapy, but also as a wife. Her wife and I not only have similar personalities, we have the a lot of the same injuries. She keeps me in check and has the patience to deal with me when I’m being a real asshole, on and off the track. I asked her to be my big sister and mentor at the beginning of last season, and she’s been an amazing friend and hugely positive influence on me personally and as a derby athlete. She’s now retired from derby, and I’m super excited that she’s going to be a part of my yoga journey as well 🙂 God’s truly blessed me with some amazing friends!

So, as things progress, I want to continue to stay FOCUSED. A huge challenge for me, but in the end, I always get things done.

Corporate filing status: Complete Computer: Acquired Yoga instructor training: Starts Friday

I’m so thankful for mentors, patient friends, angels, and the lessons learned in especially our darkest hours. As I heal from this hurt, I am reminded why we come back stronger -just as a moth transforms and develops the wing strength to escape from its cocoon, we too find the strength to burst out of the temporary circumstances binding us, and we emerge evolved.

It’s all a matter of choice. Do I choose to be a victim of my circumstance, or a victor who overcame all?

In the end, it’s always the latter. In the end, I always emerge victorious.

With so much happening, I am ready for the changes that will come to make room into my life for that which is meant for me, and is meant to be.

Still working on opening the heart chakra, but I finally saw blue and learning to utilizing it. I saw some green, but as patches of grass, so instead of question it, I’ll take it and just keep working on it. I knew heart would be last. We’re getting there, though. If I don’t get there before Friday, I sure will as I undergo this training.

It’s intense, which is right up my alley 🙂

Getting by, one movement at a time. Through life, I’ve found that the part that heals best after taking the most beatings is the heart ❤