A friend of mine reminded me this week that there is a reason why the windshield is so big and the rear view mirror is so small. That being said, especially with the driving metaphor, I would have never believe this when it initially happened, but in all truth this accident has been a huge blessing for me. I’ve needed to slow down. Things have been sickeningly stressful in my life, to the point where it was manifesting in my body as illness. This was really pissing me off because I had made such progress with my health with my healthy lifestyle transition. Getting sick from stress, and then an accident on top of it, was a nice little way of learning to adjust.
More and more opportunities have just been flowing into my life. I am still going through the motions of making these things part of my regular, habitual way of thinking. To stay in the present, to be here and now. As Baron Baptiste says, now here or nowhere.
As my body adjusts to my renewed strength, I have also been increasing my endurance activity. After the accident, my physical routine was solely comprised of yoga. Now that I’m feeling better, my spirits are lifted, which motivates me to get out there and move more. Even better, the additional physical activity motivates me to stay consistent with my nutrition. I’m already seeing the benefits of this. It makes me so happy to see familiar definition in my arms 🙂 In yoga, we learn about impermanence and non-attachment, but I do really want to take a moment to just give myself credit for the hard work I’ve done to rehabilitate and rebuild my body multiple times.
That’s what I do. That has been my arc. Go down, and rise higher, reborn, and stronger than ever.
I took a spin class yesterday, and those classes are always a mentally challenging workout. The benefits are fantastic., and the euphoria after is amazing. However, during the actual work out, it is frigging grueling. In yesterday’s spin class, I actually found my level 10. I misheard instruction and cranked up 4 gears at once, and when the instructor told us to raise the gears three more times, I did. There was audible resistance from the front wheel! I kept pushing, because my body was capable of it. I was at the very tip of my edge. When I’ve met similar situations like this in BodyPump, spin class, and especially yoga, bad feelings arise. Commonly, anger. However, yesterday that was not the case. Yesterday, as I pushed through that entire class, I knew it was hard but I realized it was a choice and at any time I could back off. I may actually have backed down a bit on some of my gears, or that may have just been the way that I was perceiving things. It wasn’t that the workout was less challenging, it’s how I was managing my reaction to the challenge.
This is a superfluous way of saying that I’m keeping my shit together when stressed out.
Coming into yoga teacher training, my intention was to learn how to calm the demon. At first, that intention was for myself. To make a conscious decision to just be myself, and not listen to bullshit stories. To be my true self; authentic, and shining brightly. Today I learned the importance of keeping it together so that people that are following my instructions will have a successful yoga practice and get what they came for.
The yoga practices that I lead are good, but I know they can be a lot better. I still have a ways to go, as a yogi and as an instructor, and it’s by trying things that I either learn what I’m good at, or make mistakes and try again.
Things that are easy typically are not very interesting. Incredibly interesting experiences are also incredibly hard ones. I can totally understand why it is a 200 hour requirement for certification. There’s so much to learn and go through, not only in the actual practice of yoga and all of the theory, alignment, and anatomy, but also some very, very deep stuff. Deep things about yoga, and deep things about ourselves.
It’s no coincidence that we are delving into our deep personal stuff, and I am also doing shadow work with my life coach. Both of these processes extract our deepest fears, so that we may face them and work through them.
Today I had some very difficult moments in my practices that were brought on by physical and mental exhaustion. However, my reactions have changed. Though some familiar feelings rose up and I started to react to them emotionally, I focused back on my breath and came back each time. I see the emotions, I know where there come from and why I’m feeling them, and I just focus on my breath, and get back into the posture.
One of many great things about yoga is that we are placed in positions of discomfort, and we ourselves are given the opportunity to make a choice. Fight, flight, or stay and breathe. So, learning from these incredibly challenging experiences on the mat, I am keeping my cool as I progress through the challenges of my life.
Taking these habits from the mat and into the world 🙂