I’ve been an isolated grumpy bear lately while going through the motions of getting back to some kind of normalcy. There’s still a lot I have to do, but a good friend reminded me yesterday to write down what I need to do, and then start prioritizing and breaking it down.
This morning was a great come-to-Jesus session (that’s a pretty prolific term, yeah?) with my coach, and I she told me some truths that I needed to hear. She’s so smart and insightful and saw the tears threatening, and we just kept moving forward. I held it together really well, I mean I’ve felt so much shit and a range of emotions, and there’s barely anything left, which is why I’ve really just had no fucks to give.
There’s still anger, and it had been there for a while and lately it’s been like a dull pain; slow, steady, and burning. It’s not all rage and smash shit, but it’s a constant.
However, there is a huge flip side going on, and just as I am weathering the storm of crap, I am also adjusting to the immense good that is going on.
The very day after I start seeing some progress physically and with the insurance and car stuff, I run into a yoga mentor and friend and was invited to apply for a local training hosted by Baron Baptiste-trained instructors, including her.
“Coincidence is the name God uses when He wants to remain anonymous.”
The day after for fuck’s sake. How could I ignore that?
Though admittedly I am having yet ANOTHER conundrum, I realize that this is much like a realization I had yesterday – we follow our heart, and fly where our wings take us. We find different platforms that take us to new places, and something new doesn’t mean forsaking everything and everyone that go us there. So, though I had to think about it a good deal, the choice was clear – I’m doing the program through Kim and starting my teacher training not this summer, but THIS FRIDAY.
Well, that escalated quickly!
So, when the circumstances, timing, and opportunities present themselves, just do it. Empty the mind of limits and what “could happen” and just go with the flow. Appropriate phrasing for yoga 🙂
I’ll be away from my first yoga studio love for a while, but six months flies by. Plus, the training doesn’t conflict with my bout schedule with Sintral (https://www.facebook.com/welovesfdd), nor my current work obligations. When the stars align, I don’t question it, I just admire the miracle of it all and bask in life’s remarkable way of restoring everything to balance.
It’s overwhelming to experience all of this at once, but I’m resilient, strong, persistent and pretty smart, so just taking things one at a time.
There’s this quote from Albus Dumbledore: “No man or woman alive, magical or not, has ever escaped some form of injury, whether physical, mental or emotional. To hurt is as human as to breathe.”
I shared with my group #Armyof100 a little bit of what was going on, and I especially reached out to trusted friends to let them know I slipped on nutritional habits for a few days, and was reminded that we are ALL human and that it was a relief for them that I’m not a robot. I keep saying how I gotta lead by example, and part of that is falling and making my own mistakes. After all, my story is always about rising above, rising up, overcoming challenge and getting to the other side.
A huge lesson I’m getting from this experience is to let go of specific attachments. I was again reminded to focus on the what, and let the how happen. Again, the timing is impeccable, I had spoken with my friend and derby mentor Steph, who practices at the yoga studio I will be taking the instructor training with, and we’ll do some practices together 🙂 I’ve wanted to do yoga with Steph for a long time, and she’s not only a great friend, but someone I like to keep close because if we want something in our lives, the best thing to do is be around people that have what we want, and have the skills we’re looking for. Steph is great at dealing with all kinds of personalities, not only in her professional capacity as a doctor of physical therapy, but also as a wife. Her wife and I not only have similar personalities, we have the a lot of the same injuries. She keeps me in check and has the patience to deal with me when I’m being a real asshole, on and off the track. I asked her to be my big sister and mentor at the beginning of last season, and she’s been an amazing friend and hugely positive influence on me personally and as a derby athlete. She’s now retired from derby, and I’m super excited that she’s going to be a part of my yoga journey as well 🙂 God’s truly blessed me with some amazing friends!
So, as things progress, I want to continue to stay FOCUSED. A huge challenge for me, but in the end, I always get things done.
Corporate filing status: Complete Computer: Acquired Yoga instructor training: Starts Friday
I’m so thankful for mentors, patient friends, angels, and the lessons learned in especially our darkest hours. As I heal from this hurt, I am reminded why we come back stronger -just as a moth transforms and develops the wing strength to escape from its cocoon, we too find the strength to burst out of the temporary circumstances binding us, and we emerge evolved.
It’s all a matter of choice. Do I choose to be a victim of my circumstance, or a victor who overcame all?
In the end, it’s always the latter. In the end, I always emerge victorious.
With so much happening, I am ready for the changes that will come to make room into my life for that which is meant for me, and is meant to be.
Still working on opening the heart chakra, but I finally saw blue and learning to utilizing it. I saw some green, but as patches of grass, so instead of question it, I’ll take it and just keep working on it. I knew heart would be last. We’re getting there, though. If I don’t get there before Friday, I sure will as I undergo this training.
It’s intense, which is right up my alley 🙂
Getting by, one movement at a time. Through life, I’ve found that the part that heals best after taking the most beatings is the heart ❤